The fascinating country of Turkey has a rich culture of wedding traditions, which vary throughout its cities, provinces and villages. In the major cities many couples have also embraced a mix of Western traditions. “Turks” love to celebrate with delicious food, music and lots of dancing into the early hours.
Historical Marriage Arrangements
In the past there were several different kinds of marriages, especially in the rural areas. It was the custom to pay a dowry to the bride’s family. Occasionally, a family with a son and daughter of marriageable age would marry into another family with a son and daughter, therefore cancelling out the need for a dowry.
In times past, a marriage was arranged in the case of the death of a brother, where the widowed sister-in law was wed with a single or widower brother-in law (Levirat). Similarly, it was also possible for a sister to be married to a deceased sister’s husband (Sororat). This was practiced in order to keep the inheritance in the family and for the children’s welfare.
Searching for a Bride
In the traditional setting, the prospective groom’s family will search for a suitable wife within family, close friends and neighbourhood circles. Görücülük is the process of several women taking over the searching role and visiting potential brides’ families. Once a woman is found to be suitable, she and her family have time to do their research and make a determination if this is the man for her. Today, especially in urban areas and within less conservative families, couples form their own friendships, commence a relationship and in time decide to marry.
Agreement to Marry and the Engagement
It is rare for a couple to marry without the permission and blessing of both families. The prospective groom must ask for the woman’s hand in marriage (kiz isteme). During the evening the bride to be is expected to make a perfect Turkish coffee for the guests – no pressure! Once an agreement is reached an engagement party is planned, often at the bride’s house. At the groom’s house, guests gather and then proceed to the bride’s home for lunch. The bride is dressed in an engagement dress and jewelry (taki) is given to her by her mother-in-law and the groom’s relatives. There is an exchange of engagement rings, which are tied with a red ribbon, placed on their right finger by an important relative. Modern day engagements are often held at outside venues to celebrate with family and friends with live music and a feast.
Wedding:
In Turkey all marriages require a legal civil ceremony to be conducted; often couples will have a religious ceremony a few days before the legalities are completed. Weddings today in the cities and more modern circles are much more like western style weddings, with a wedding reception for family and friends of the couple. Bachelorette parties for the bride and her female friends are a substitute for the traditional pre-wedding henna evenings. The following traditions give a glimpse of the fascinating wedding ceremonies of earlier times in rural and within more conservative families:
Planting of the Turkish flag by friends of the groom at his house, this indicates to everyone that a wedding is to take place.
A gathering for the ladies on the night before the wedding day, called the Henna evening (Kına Gecesi). On this occasion the bride will dress in a purple or red dress and have a red veil placed on her head. The groom’s mother will bring a tray of henna balls, firstly she places a gold coin in the palm of the bride’s hand and then a piece of henna is placed over the coin and her hand is wrapped in gauze and a red glove until the henna sets. Songs are sung, some of these can be sad, as the girl is leaving her parent’s home but then it livens up with the ladies dancing, singing, feasting and having a wonderful time.
A fun tradition has the bride indulging the single ladies amongst her friends and family. Single female friends ask the bride to write their names on the soles of her wedding day shoes. After the ceremony, the bride greets her guests, walks the room, dances the night away all while wearing her wedding day heels. At the end of the evening, the ladies check the soles to see whose names have worn away and whose names have not. If your name has worn away, you’re destined to marry soon, alas, if your name still appears, a wedding is not in your immediate future!
Fetching the Bride (Gelin Alma)
On this day the groom’s party set out to fetch the bride in their decorated cars. The bride wears a white dress with a red or white veil over her face and a red ribbon tied at the waist. Often the woman waiting with the bride will pin gold coins to her red ribbon or place gold bangles on her wrists. When the bride arrives in the groom’s village she is met by the groom and they can be accompanied by a procession of drums and pipes. Turkish weddings are big events with the guest list running into the hundreds.
If this is in a village or a wedding celebrated in a venue guests will pin more gold coins on the bride or place money or gold in a basket. Money and gold are the appropriate gifts – no toasters allowed! During the wedding dinner there is traditional music, singing and dancing. Both fathers of the bride and groom perform the Dance of the Fathers and are showered with notes and gold coins. A huge wedding cake appears and is cut and eaten after the dinner.
The Nuptial Chamber
In traditional marriages, after the marriage celebrations are over, the last ritual is sending the couple into the Nuptial Chamber. The groom performs his ritual prayer and the couple enter the nuptial chamber in the groom’s home or if celebrating at a hotel they will spend their first night there as husband and wife.
CREDITS
Source: Republic of Turkey Ministry of Culture and Tourism
Article written by Helen Schrader
Helen Schrader is an Australian registered Civil Marriage Celebrant residing in the United Arab Emirates. Ms Schrader assists couples of various cultural backgrounds wishing to celebrate their marriages in the UAE and beyond by conducting their ceremonies, guiding them through the marriage process and honouring their individual wedding day visions and traditions.