Wherever in the world they are, Jewish couples embrace their ancient wedding customs with a sense of reverence and gusto. Customs can be traditional or have a more contemporary twist to the ceremony, especially if there is a fusion of faiths. Whatever marriage rituals are chosen, you can be certain the ceremony is followed by an enthusiastic celebration.
The accompanying images show weddings from Sydney, Australia to the United Kingdom; varying in personal style and tradition but with one common and vital ingredient – the sheer joy of a much anticipated occasion – the marriage of two loving people and the merging of two families.
Pre Wedding
With observant couples it is customary for them to be apart at least 24 hours and sometimes up to one week before the wedding and to fast prior to the ceremony. Also the groom may take a ritual bath the morning of the wedding in preparation for his new life. They may choose to have moments of personal reflection and this can include reading from the Book of Psalms.
It is customary for the bride’s dress to have sleeves at least to the elbow and her shoulders and décolletage covered for the ceremony. All the men and boys will be wearing skullcaps (yarmulke). Depending on the country and the venue location the ceremony can be conducted by a Rabbi, a Cantor, or a Civil Celebrant who is familiar with Jewish marriage customs.
Wedding
A traditional Jewish wedding would commence with an ‘all boys’ custom – essentially it is the groom’s table (tish) which is laden with food and drinks and the men will sing songs and dance. Some grooms decide to omit this custom and enjoy mingling with their guests before the signing of the marriage contract (ketubah). The ketubah outlines the bride’s rights in the marriage and the groom responsibilities. This is signed by the groom, two male witnesses and the rabbi, in a more modern context the bride will also sign with two of her witnesses. Traditionally it is written in Aramaic with a translation in the language of the couple. The ketubah is individually designed and personalised, as afterwards it is displayed in their home. It is usually read by the Rabbi during the ceremony for everyone to hear the couple’s promises.
As in all weddings there is great anticipation and emotion when the groom first sees his bride – she has been waiting either in another room or outdoors with her female friends and family. The time for the covering of the bride’s face (badeken) has arrived. It may be an intimate moment with the groom accompanied by both fathers to meet the bride and her entourage or in the aisle for all the guests to observe and share this special moment. The groom lowers the veil over his bride’s face. There are many reasons about the significance of the veil – from the Bible; Jacob was tricked into marrying the wrong woman because she was veiled before he married her. It can also indicate that the veil evokes modesty and the groom values the bride’s inner beauty. In a nod to equality the bride may place a yarmulke on the groom’s head. At this intimate time parents bestow their blessings on their children as they embark on their new life together. Yes there are lots of tears!
In Jewish weddings, firstly the groom walks down the aisle with both his parents and he waits under the bridal canopy (huppah) for his bride who will be accompanied by both her parents. In some communities the groom would walk down with both fathers and the bride with both mothers. This symbolises two individuals joining as a couple and the merging of the two families.
The huppah is a particularly beautiful custom and dates back to ancient times when weddings were held outside. The significance of the canopy and the four poles is to define a sacred and spiritual space. It symbolises the roof of the couple’s home, closed and safe at the top but with open sides to welcome guests. Here is a perfect time to show your personal taste – the huppah can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. It can be a structure in the ground or the poles can be held by honoured guests.
There are many elements during the ceremony but some of the important ones involve the magic number seven.
Circling – as the bride enters the huppah she circles the groom seven times which represent the seven wedding blessings to be recited by the Rabbi and representing the seven days of creation. It can indicate that the groom is the centre of her world. In a more modern context the bride may circle the groom three times and he then, will circle her three times, they then finally circle together once or perform a figure of eight. This ritual can be personalised to reflect the couple’s wishes with guidance from the Rabbi. Also during the circling they may include their own personal wishes with each rotation.
Rings – the groom will say either an Aramaic blessing or this beautiful blessing from the Song of Songs ‘I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine’, he then places the plain gold wedding ring on his bride’s right index finger - the finger believed to be directly connected to the heart. Often the bride will reciprocate with a ring for the groom’s index finger. The ketubah is then read aloud in the language of the couple and in Aramaic.
Seven Blessings (sheva brachot) are said or sung by the Rabbi or Cantor or the couple can involve seven honoured guests to read the blessings. In addition, personal blessings may be included with each guest holding the cup of wine that is then sipped by the bride and then the groom.
Breaking the Glass - perhaps the best known of the Jewish wedding traditions and the cue for the guests to shout out - Mazel Tov (congratulations), is the breaking of the wineglass under the groom’s foot. It seals the marriage, (please make it a thin glass wrapped in a cloth or a napkin; it needs to be broken at the first stomp of the foot!). The couple can start being a team by breaking the glass together. The Rabbi or Cantor will sing a song to accompany this ritual with reference to Jerusalem. There are many suggestions regarding the meaning of the breaking of the glass – it can symbolise the fragility of relationships; for Jews the destruction of the Temples of Jerusalem or indeed that their commitment is about the couple not material things. It is also the sign for – party time, put your dancing shoes on!
The Yichud - just before the celebrations crank up, this is the time during the day that the bride and groom can spend some time alone. In times past this would have been their first time together as a couple and the marriage was consummated. Now it is a brief time-out to perhaps eat and drink something if they have been fasting, or indeed to just savour the moment in a magical day.
The Hora – come on let’s party! Renowned for their dancing this is a crucial element of a Jewish wedding, the bride and groom will be hoisted onto chairs up on the guests’ shoulders.
You can see from the images that crowd surfing and party games are very popular too!
At the more conservative weddings men and women will dance in separate rooms. This type of celebration is practiced throughout the Levant region and all around the world
I strongly suggest not eating much prior to this! There will be delicious food, drinks, speeches and fun for everyone. It is crazy fun and everyone gets involved – come on don’t be shy.
At the end of the evening the Seven Blessings may be read again or on a personal note guests may offer they their own individual blessing.
CREDITS
Article written by Helen Schrader
Helen Schrader is an Australian registered Civil Marriage Celebrant residing in the United Arab Emirates. Ms. Schrader assists couples wishing to celebrate their marriages in the UAE and beyond by conducting their ceremonies, guiding them through the marriage process and honoring their individual wedding day visions. www.helenschrader.com
Authors Note: Thank you to my friend Cathy for her Jewish marriage ceremony tips and for sharing her and Alan’s stunning Sydney wedding photos below. Love them!
For more Jewish Ceremony images, check out our Jewish Wedding Traditions photoslider below: